Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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