my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize