Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just found a bag of teeth...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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