i permit you to call me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
