Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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