Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
