I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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