Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
