I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
