Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
