Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
