Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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