I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
