I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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