Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
