I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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