I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
