i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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