i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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