Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
