brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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