UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
