So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
