Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
