I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
