Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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