My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize