party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize