Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
