Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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