Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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