she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Boobs are out for the taking
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
