Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
