SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there's paper in my vomit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
