She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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