Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
