On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I could fuck to npr.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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