I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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