Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
