Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
