can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
