it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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