Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
