8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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