I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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