worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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