R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
