First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
