I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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