The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize