so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
