dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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