Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize