Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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