She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
