im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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