Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
