And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
