It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
