wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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