You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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