Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
