i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If I die, sorry about rent.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
