Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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