remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Everyone says I win the strip club
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
