Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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