If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
