Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
