honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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