drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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