dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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