And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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