I cannot find my penis.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
