does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
