well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
