How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
