Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
