after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
