Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
