Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
