my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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