I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize