Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
