i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
