then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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