...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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