so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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