why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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