So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
