We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
