i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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