JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish you could order shots online.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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