I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize