id be glad to
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
