i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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