i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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