Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
