I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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