Define "chronic" masturbator.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
