u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
